I'm a Paradox (and You May Be One Too)
There are two types of places in this world where my heart feels at peace.
Oddly, they’re complete opposites, juxtaposed in extreme ways. You see, I feel most at home either standing with my feet in ocean surf, or in the middle of a busy urban intersection, like in New York’s Times Square. Planting myself in either place makes my soul feel like it’s exactly where it needs to be.
For a long time, it made no sense to me that I’d be drawn to both those places equally. That I’d find as much pure contentment when water lapped at my toes as I would while car horns blared and people shouted into their cellphones. And yet, I couldn’t deny that both of those things were true. I craved each of them with a fierceness I didn’t understand, and each time I gave in, I breathed a sigh of pure happiness when I allowed myself to just accept that the things I needed conflicted with each other, and with other people’s definition of what serenity should look like.
It wasn’t until I got older, and really dove into the work of getting to know myself, that I understood more about what makes me crave such different things.
A few years ago, I was in an online class that required us to reach out to our friends and family and ask those people to describe us in 5 words. It was an extremely vulnerable exercise, but the answers I got were eye-opening. Among the ones that resonated the most was a word my sister-in-law sent. At the top of the email reply, she’d written, in big capital letters: PARADOX.
She went on to explain that she’d been having trouble deciding on the words she’d use to describe me. She’d think of “strong”, and then immediately counter it with “vulnerable.” She’d come up with “anxious” and then in the same breath, think “brave.” She’d write down “emotional”, and then beside it scribble “logical.” And on, and on, until “paradox” became the perfect way to describe the way she saw me.
At first, I was confused. “Am I really so hard to pin down?” I thought. I didn’t know what to make of that. I pride myself on authenticity, and I thought that meant I had to be someone who could be clearly labeled as “this” or “that". But the more I thought about it, the more her description made sense. I am all those things. I like country music and hip hop equally. I read Harlequin romance novels and 1000-page Russian history tomes. I have to throw a leather jacket over a sweet, flowy dress — or a delicate pearl necklace to go with my ripped denim jacket -- otherwise my outfits don’t feel complete. And if you asked me to pick between a holiday on a private island or in the heart of New York city, I’d want both.
I’m a lot more at peace with the duality of my soul these days than I ever used to be, but that didn’t happen until I started putting the work into understanding myself. That’s why I’m so passionate about self-development, self-expression, and self-discovery. So many of the decisions I make these days come from tapping into myself and coming to terms with what I really want, need, and yearn for. Almost always, the answers I discover tell me that I want two separate things, and then I find a way to blend them and make it work. That means my playlists have the most eclectic mix of music imaginable. My wardrobe is a combination of soft pastels and embossed leather. When I finish reading the latest romance bestseller, I follow it up with a nonfiction book for my feminist book club.
As soon as I embraced being a paradox, life got easier. Answers now come freely, decisions are less agonizing, my day-to-day tasks are more fulfilling — all because I know who I am and what makes me tick.
And that’s exactly why I’m so passionate about working with women and helping them put their own unique puzzle pieces together in order to figure out who they are and what they want out of life.
If you’re ready to start digging deep in an unconventional way into who you are and what makes your soul sing, book a tarot reading with me. I'll make sure you’re being seen and heard so you'll get the clarity you need. You'll also have the attentive, impartial ear of someone who can provide a different perspective on where you are and where you’re going -- along with some universal guidance as well.
Click here to book your reading.